


I'm Not Letting Go

by nickel_1321



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catra (She-Ra) Needs a Hug, Catra (She-Ra) Redemption, Comfort/Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Lesbian Adora (She-Ra), Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Mentioned Shadow Weaver | Light Spinner (She-Ra), Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:20:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25158379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nickel_1321/pseuds/nickel_1321
Summary: Adora finds Glimmer and Catra talking about why Catra asked Glimmer to kill her. Catra calls her out for eavesdropping and a long conversation ensues.
Relationships: Adora & Catra (She-Ra), Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Catra & Glimmer (She-Ra)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 183





	I'm Not Letting Go

They were on their way back to Etheria, they had gotten Melog and had set course for Etheria. It was night time or at least their internal clocks told them that, well, Adora, Bow, and Entrapta’s did. Glimmer and Catra’s had been screwed up after being on Prime’s ship for so long. Adora, Bow and Entrapta had been asleep for hours at this point. Glimmer had been trying to get some sleep but she was struggling to. Adora, Bow and herself all slept in one of the rooms while Catra still insisted on sleeping in the other room she had been staying in. Adora was missing from the room and Glimmer got up thinking maybe she could find someone to talk to. 

She left and walked down the hall to find Adora asleep outside of Catra’s door. Glimmer sighed and had to suppress a chuckle at how obvious she was about how she felt about Catra. Glimmer continued to the front of the ship where she was going to look at space around them but didn’t expect to find Catra sitting on one of the windows doing just that. Glimmer can’t say she was too surprised however, Catra did go through a traumatic experience within the past 48 hours so she can’t blame the other woman. It was also comforting to know that Catra’s sleep schedule was just as screwed up as hers was. 

Glimmer walked over and sat opposite of Catra on the window to which Catra just watched her having already heard her coming. 

“I guess neither of us are getting much sleep, huh Sparkles?” Catra looked at Glimmer who had dark circles underneath her eyes. Catra would have commented on them if not for the fact that she knew she had the same ones. Sleeping on Prime’s ship was never an option for either of them. 

“Seems that way,” Glimmer hums in response then letting out a long sigh.

“My body won’t let me sleep yet, it’s used to being on alert all the time from… well you know.” Catra sighed and turned her head back towards space. 

“...Yea, I know exactly what you mean.” This was the first time either of them had been alone together since Prime’s ship. Glimmer had bonded with Catra on Prime’s ship and while she can’t forget everything that Catra has done she wants nothing more than to move forward with her. She knows deep down she wants to be best friends with Catra and Glimmer knows the only way to do that is to talk through everything. She didn’t want to start off with the portal incident so two other thoughts came to her mind, ‘why did she save me?’ and ‘why did you ask me to finish you off?’ 

While Adora hadn’t heard Catra when she left she woke up to seeing Glimmer walk down the hall. She knew Glimmer hadn't been getting much sleep due to the ever prevalent dark circles under eyes and she wasn’t blind to the fact that Catra’s were worse. Adora still felt guilty for what they had gone through but she knew she wasn’t responsible but that did little to subdue the feeling. Adora made sure to wait until Glimmer was out of sight and followed her to the open part of the ship. Adora was a little taken aback not having expected to see Catra up as well. She decided to wait before entering and just listen to what the two were talking about. Adora had not been prepared for what the topic of their conversation was.

“...Hey, why did you ask me to kill you when I found you in the Fright Zone?” Glimmer spoke softly as if she spoke too loudly he words would break. Adora’s heart stopped beating and her eyes went wide. She couldn’t have heard that right, right? As the silence expanded it gave Adora her answer. Adora hadn’t given much thought to the fact that Glimmer and Catra had an interaction before they were kidnapped by Prime. Adora looked right at Catra waiting for her answer as tears began to fall.

Catra closed her eyes and dropped her head before answering, “... I had nothing left to live for.” Catra looks back at Glimmer with so much pain behind her eyes and the most honest look she’s given in a long time. Catra lets out a mirthless life and runs a hand through her now short hair. Glimmer let her mouth open slightly to try and form a sentence but nothing came out. She hadn’t been expecting Catra to have said something so… depressing. Glimmer knew Catra had endured a lot of pain but she could see all the pain behind her exhausted eyes. 

Catra’s answer hit Adora like a punch to gut, she never thought she would hear Catra of all people say something like that. Catra was always this strong individual that she had always admired yet here she was saying that not too long ago she had nothing left to live for. 

Glimmer wanted to know what drove the girl to that point of just wanting someone to end her suffering and put her out of her misery. She didn’t get the chance to ask before Catra spoke again.

“Adora I know you’re back there. I have really good hearing, remember?” Catra didn’t bother looking in the direction that Adora had been hiding, she continued to stare down. Adora cursed herself for having been discovered but there wasn’t any reason to continue hiding. Adora wiped the tears from her face and got up to go see them while Glimmer was still in shock over the fact that Adora had been there the entire time and she had no idea.

“I guess I should have known better, huh?” Adora says with a light chuckle. Catra doesn’t make a sound and continues to stare at her feet. Glimmer could tell this was a topic Catra hadn’t intended on bringing up with Adora anytime soon if ever.

“Catra I-” Glimmer starts to apologize for bringing the subject up all the while Adora stands and looks back and forth between the two women.

“It’s alright Sparkles, you have no reason to apologize.” Catra looks up and gives her best attempt at a smile while Glimmer just nods. Glimmer stands to leave knowing they were about to have a long conversation.

“I’ll give you two some space.” Glimmer walks back to the room that Bow and Entrapta were both still sound asleep in. Adora sat opposite of Catra where Glimmer had sat only moments ago. They sat in silence while Catra stared at her feet and Adora stared at Catra not knowing how to start the conversation. 

Catra sighed before getting to the point, “So… what do you want to know?” Catra looks right at Adora for the first time since she had gotten there. Adora was a little shocked not having been ready for Catra to get to the heart of things. 

“... Why the hell did you ask Glimmer to kill you.” Adora’s voice was unusually calm and it sent a shiver down Catra’s spine and not the good kind. Catra took a deep breath before she answered.

“Like I told Sparkles, I had nothing to live for.” Catra looked right into Adora’s eyes as she answered. Catra wasn’t ashamed of it, she knew she was at the lowest point of her life at that moment and she was going to own up to that fact. Adora wasn’t expecting Catra to look right at her as she answered and her eyes began to water at the other woman’s answer. Adora wanted to pull Catra into a hug and never let go, but she also wanted to know what had driven her to that point.

“Why?” Adora asked breathlessly. She hated to think that Catra wanted to get herself killed and she could have done nothing to stop it. It hurt her to know that and realize that Catra could have gotten herself killed and Adora would have only gotten the news after the fact. Catra tensed at Adora’s question. Catra wasn’t sure she was ready to have this conversation with Adora but it looks like she didn’t have a choice.

Catra sighed before answering, “I thought… I thought I had finally made a friend again… One who was going to be there for me but I was wrong. They betrayed me in the end and they…” Catra trailed off with her throat constricting. She hadn’t noticed the tears threatening to spill over. Adora didn’t even know what to say, there was so much pain behind everything Catra said. From the way that Catra talked about being hopeful that she had made a friend to the fact that they betrayed her. Adora’s first thought was Scorpia but understood why Scopia left, she really did. Adora could tell that Scorpia leaving hurt Catra for her to say that she betrayed her.

“They what?” Adora wanted to know what else Scorpia had done. Adora had no idea that Catra had been talking about Double Trouble and not Scorpia.

“They showed me all my past failures and my deepest insecurities.” Catra said as she wrapped her arms around herself and looked away from Adora to let her tears fall. Adora sat there stunned, shocked that Catra had gone through that and confused because Scorpia wasn’t that kind of person. Adora wanted to ask who Catra was talking about but opted to ask her what exactly happened.

“What did they show you?” Adora asks as softly as she can. It had been three years so she wasn’t sure what Catra’s deepest insecurities were anymore. Someone can change a lot in three years. Catra didn’t respond as she was trying to stop crying, so Adora took this opportunity to put a comforting hand on top of Catra’s. Catra tensed at first but slowly let herself relax before reducing to sniffles. 

“They appeared as the most prominent people in my life and told me things from them that I feared most.” Adora was still struggling to understand who exactly this person was that Catra thought she had befriended. Adora was going to ask Catra to continue but she did so anyway.

“First they appeared as Hordak and said people didn’t trust me. Then as Shadow Weaver, and said people didn’t believe in me. Then…” Catra stopped and looked Adora in the eyes whose eyes were full of concern, hurt and something else Catra wasn’t sure of. Catra turned away again before answering the next part. 

“...then as you and said didn’t need me, left me.” Adora flinched and tensed up immediately. Adora’s ears were ringing so loud that's the only thing she could hear. Adora thought of all the times she had been hurt before, even by Catra, and nothing compared to the hurt she felt right now. Adora understood now that it was Double Trouble that Catra thought she was friends with. She hated herself for Catra thinking for the past three years that she didn’t need her. If Adora had known Catra would have thought that for the past three years she would have tried so much harder to get her to go with her in the beginning. Adora finally looked back down to Catra who was looking at her with a look of hurt and sorrow. Adora opened her mouth to apologize but Catra spoke up first.

“Don’t apologize. All of it was my fault, don’t apologize for something that you didn’t even do.” Catra looked away again not wanting to look at how hurt Adora was.

“Catra no, you can’t blame yourself for everything. I’m so sorry I had no idea that you felt that way. I did need you and I still do, it hurt me every time I had to fight you or thought about fighting you.” Adora hadn’t noticed the hot tears streaming down her face until she felt them sting her cheeks. 

“Really?” Catra looked at Adora with hopeful eyes. Adora pulled her into a crushing embrace and held Catra so tightly she was almost hurting her. Catra didn’t care and accepted the embrace and returned it with just as much force.

“Yes really, I’ve always needed you and I always will.” Adora breathed out with a shaky voice. Catra let her tears fall freely now as they sat there in that hug. It wasn’t until both of their tears had dried that they pulled apart. They smiled at each other before Adora spoke up.

“What happened when Glimmer got there?” Adora knew this was painful for Catra to think and talk about but she wanted to know the whole story now so they didn’t need to talk about it again. 

Catra took a deep and shaky breath before continuing, “Sparkles got there ready for a fight and had her staff pointed at me. She was talking about how we can finally settle things once and for all or something and looked at me when she was done. I just looked up from where I sat and asked her what she was waiting for and to just go ahead and do it. Sparkles lowered her staff after that and had a really shocked and almost concerned look on her face before she went to go find the Black Garnet. I just sat there and before I knew it we were beamed up.” Catra finishes and looks at Adora who is on the verge of tears again. Catra is about to ask if she was okay and Adora pulled her into another bone crushing embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” Adora breathed out as Catra’s eyes widened in surprise before returning the embrace. Catra didn’t really know how to respond but Adora spoke again before she could think about it too much.

“I’ll never let you feel that way again.” Adora hugged tighter and held onto Catra like her life depended on it. Catra blushed and began rubbing small circles on Adora’s back.

“Thank you.” That was all Catra could get out before her throat constricted from her crying. They fell asleep in each other’s arms and it was the first good night’s sleep Catra had gotten since being taken by Prime.


End file.
